I was told " I just need time to fall in love with you again" about a year ago...
Those words pierced through my heart- knowingly that I did not deserve that lack of emotion. I knew that I had given it my all, was insanely in love with him but he was no longer in love with me. I am an emotion driven person and that phrase along with other ones led me into thinking that I was not good enough to have someone in " LOVE" with me.
However, as I look back to those moments, I realize that I was at fault for that. I had lost the desire to love myself. How is it possible for someone to love you, if you don't love yourself? Self Love is one of the strongest emotions I've ever felt and took the longest to pursue. Why? With self love comes confidence, persistence, motivation and courage.
Everyday I work hard to become a better ME. This self love has pushed me to overcome fears and tribulations. Ladies, love is beautiful and many times we dive head first into this "loving someone else more than anything" emotion. STOP. Do not give YOU away if you don't even appreciate and love YOU! It took so long for me to understand that. I confused the concept of feeling loved as " give love to receive more love" but when I had nothing else left to give, I felt empty. Many times I replay those moments in my head and I get so disgusted because how dare I place myself so low? Loving yourself sounds like the most simplest thing but those words do not describe how big that emotion should be. Once I understood, accepted and started working on it, I felt a huge difference in my persona and relationship. A positive one I should say!
Now don't get me wrong- with self love still comes confusion, disappointment and desire to change. I am not going to sit here and tell you all that when you learn how to love yourself, you are going to feel perfect- NO. I have moments where I want to give up and feel as if I am not good enough. But then that feeling pops back in and tells me to pick up my head and keep pushing- to me that is self love. Not giving up on becoming a better me whether it's a new job, pursuing a dream, losing weight and etc.
It's a working process and trust me I am not perfect at it. We constantly think that we need a "knight in amour" to save us- to wipe our tears and give us strength. How can some who doesn't know you better than you fix problems that you know better than them? Men aren't perfect so you have to be able to take whatever is thrown at you and not allow it to even scratch the surface. They too have obstacles and believe it or not eventually want to feel the infamous emotion called " love" Many men are afraid to allow a woman love them- making it difficult for them to open up to allow themselves to love. If you are able to build your self love- those moments will not affect you. If my self love were to be stronger and stable, those words and distant actions would of not caused me to be depressed nor to blame myself for every problem or argument that occurred. I am not an expert nor a man therefore I can't even speak up on that topic.You are the creator of the definition of love. When we are hurt, we tend to forget all the amazing qualities that we possess and become vulnerable.
So where to begin?
As for myself, I had to take a step back and analyze what was occurring in my life. I slowly started listening to that voice inside that spoke to me. I simplified everything around me- from instead of staying home and crying my eyes out to hanging out with MY friends to volunteering. I went from writing/releasing my anger and sadness on social media to writing them down in my personal journal. I also got a gym membership and those 2-3 hours I spent in the gym, I would leave my phone behind in my locker. Those 3 hours were for ME. I slowly started mending and taking care of my inner and outer. Its all different for everyone. So I would say:
- Write down the things you want to change/ improve in your life. Choose 2 things and work on that. Allow those 2 things be the focus of this year. You have to start small. Now if you see after a few months you have improved on those 2 things, then pick another thing from your list.
- Write down the things you enjoy to do but do not do often. Then at least once a week or every other week, do something off your list. Again, start slow. Changes do not occur over night!
- Write 3 things that you can do YOURSELF to become a better YOU. For example, I felt extremely over weight so I started weight training and eating better. Little things like that make a difference!
- Treat yourself once in a while. I am not saying to go on a shopping spree but if getting your nails done make you happy or feel better- get them done! Shit, why not? You work hard and doing little things like that will remind you to keep yourself up.
- Limit your time around people that are negative around you. If there are a group of people that make you feel not too good about yourself, distance yourself. Remember that distance does not always have to do with the " physical space"...
- Spend time with people that lift you and allow you to be YOU. However, allow yourself to always have time for yourself to do the things you enjoy doing. Yes it is fun to be with friends but allow yourself some space to spend alone.
- SMILE- Smiling can make you feel happy even when you are not as well as making others happy
- When feeling down and discouraged, always remind yourself that you are beautiful and you are a working progress. NO ONE IS BORN PERFECT.
Many of us want to become the woman of one man's dream. I admit it, I tried to become that and must I say that we don't always receive the deserved outcome. Therefore, I am on the quest of making ME happy. I can say with my head up high " lucky is the man that takes away my last name to give me his, for I know my worth.
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Those words pierced through my heart- knowingly that I did not deserve that lack of emotion. I knew that I had given it my all, was insanely in love with him but he was no longer in love with me. I am an emotion driven person and that phrase along with other ones led me into thinking that I was not good enough to have someone in " LOVE" with me.
However, as I look back to those moments, I realize that I was at fault for that. I had lost the desire to love myself. How is it possible for someone to love you, if you don't love yourself? Self Love is one of the strongest emotions I've ever felt and took the longest to pursue. Why? With self love comes confidence, persistence, motivation and courage.
Everyday I work hard to become a better ME. This self love has pushed me to overcome fears and tribulations. Ladies, love is beautiful and many times we dive head first into this "loving someone else more than anything" emotion. STOP. Do not give YOU away if you don't even appreciate and love YOU! It took so long for me to understand that. I confused the concept of feeling loved as " give love to receive more love" but when I had nothing else left to give, I felt empty. Many times I replay those moments in my head and I get so disgusted because how dare I place myself so low? Loving yourself sounds like the most simplest thing but those words do not describe how big that emotion should be. Once I understood, accepted and started working on it, I felt a huge difference in my persona and relationship. A positive one I should say!
Now don't get me wrong- with self love still comes confusion, disappointment and desire to change. I am not going to sit here and tell you all that when you learn how to love yourself, you are going to feel perfect- NO. I have moments where I want to give up and feel as if I am not good enough. But then that feeling pops back in and tells me to pick up my head and keep pushing- to me that is self love. Not giving up on becoming a better me whether it's a new job, pursuing a dream, losing weight and etc.
It's a working process and trust me I am not perfect at it. We constantly think that we need a "knight in amour" to save us- to wipe our tears and give us strength. How can some who doesn't know you better than you fix problems that you know better than them? Men aren't perfect so you have to be able to take whatever is thrown at you and not allow it to even scratch the surface. They too have obstacles and believe it or not eventually want to feel the infamous emotion called " love" Many men are afraid to allow a woman love them- making it difficult for them to open up to allow themselves to love. If you are able to build your self love- those moments will not affect you. If my self love were to be stronger and stable, those words and distant actions would of not caused me to be depressed nor to blame myself for every problem or argument that occurred. I am not an expert nor a man therefore I can't even speak up on that topic.You are the creator of the definition of love. When we are hurt, we tend to forget all the amazing qualities that we possess and become vulnerable.
So where to begin?
As for myself, I had to take a step back and analyze what was occurring in my life. I slowly started listening to that voice inside that spoke to me. I simplified everything around me- from instead of staying home and crying my eyes out to hanging out with MY friends to volunteering. I went from writing/releasing my anger and sadness on social media to writing them down in my personal journal. I also got a gym membership and those 2-3 hours I spent in the gym, I would leave my phone behind in my locker. Those 3 hours were for ME. I slowly started mending and taking care of my inner and outer. Its all different for everyone. So I would say:
- Write down the things you want to change/ improve in your life. Choose 2 things and work on that. Allow those 2 things be the focus of this year. You have to start small. Now if you see after a few months you have improved on those 2 things, then pick another thing from your list.
- Write down the things you enjoy to do but do not do often. Then at least once a week or every other week, do something off your list. Again, start slow. Changes do not occur over night!
- Write 3 things that you can do YOURSELF to become a better YOU. For example, I felt extremely over weight so I started weight training and eating better. Little things like that make a difference!
- Treat yourself once in a while. I am not saying to go on a shopping spree but if getting your nails done make you happy or feel better- get them done! Shit, why not? You work hard and doing little things like that will remind you to keep yourself up.
- Limit your time around people that are negative around you. If there are a group of people that make you feel not too good about yourself, distance yourself. Remember that distance does not always have to do with the " physical space"...
- Spend time with people that lift you and allow you to be YOU. However, allow yourself to always have time for yourself to do the things you enjoy doing. Yes it is fun to be with friends but allow yourself some space to spend alone.
- SMILE- Smiling can make you feel happy even when you are not as well as making others happy
- When feeling down and discouraged, always remind yourself that you are beautiful and you are a working progress. NO ONE IS BORN PERFECT.
Many of us want to become the woman of one man's dream. I admit it, I tried to become that and must I say that we don't always receive the deserved outcome. Therefore, I am on the quest of making ME happy. I can say with my head up high " lucky is the man that takes away my last name to give me his, for I know my worth.
